17 August 2013

1 Year In Time

It's officially been a year since I really sat down and wrote about this RN thing. It's been a good year. A year of growing, getting more comfortable in my role as a nurse, becoming more outspoken to MD's and old crotchety nurses than I was in the beginning...Some say "what happen to that sweet nurse that started years ago" ... I say it's the same nurse I just was trying to be seen and not heard as a scared little new RN. I've begun precepting and taking in nursing students which I adore. Most of the time they come in an are really excited to learn and excited to be starting a new job. Few have attitude problems which I encouraged them to leave that shit at the door.  There have been many touching patients I have had a long this year that I should have wrote about... and may I will or maybe I'll continue on to write about the new ones that come along and touch my life. It happens frequently. Patients always say how much we do for them as nurses, but I don't think they ever really know how they touch us. Every once and while I get a patient who is a complete pain in my ass...thinks I am their slave and they are the queen... and to those people I do what I can do in an 8 hour shift and remind myself what my mom once told me "just remember you don't have to live with them" and thank god for that. Another thing I see with nurses...It seems we are some of the worst creatures for taking care of ourselves. We run around on our shift like our bodies and minds don't matter. We won't have slept, will have problems at home, will be starving, back hurting, so much on our minds...but the minute we step into a room the focus is on the patient. I've seen this in myself and I've seen it in coworkers. Now this is not the case for every nurse....There is still the nurse ratchet who goes in there bitching about one missed meal inevitably making the patient feeling like shit for being there... But me I turn it off at the door. Which sometimes is good when I have hurt feelings or drama in my mind or life to work through. The work is a distraction and keeps me busy and focused on something easy...And sometimes at the end of the day gives me just enough time to decide how I really feel about something. Sometimes going to work is good. Then there are the times my back hurts so badly and I am suppose to help other people who just had back surgery walk? That's when I imagine a career change to baby nursing. But honestly I could have a million things on my mind and hurting on my body and I am convincing enough to go in the room and play nurse that the patient thinks I am just sweet and attentive to them. It's how it should be. They have enough problems being in a hospital bed and they are not there to be my psychiatrist. I wish I had this capacity in real life to stay so composed and attentive to my thoughts and words... I am know I am capable of it...but seem to lose that skill and home or sometimes in social settings... Especially if someone says the wrong thing...It's game over. To where if a patient talked some shit I play professional and try to work through their feelings... Guess we'll see what the next year brings...

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