GRUMPY OLD MEN

I have to tell this story of these two little old men I had one night that had me laughing for at least an hour after I left each one of their rooms...My first guy was a retired world traveler, did something with oil...All I knew was that he swore like a sailor, so instantly I decided we would get along and I would call him little daddy (It's what I call all my cute old men). The first time he gets up to pee I offer to get the male nursing assistant and he assures me he isn't shy, "even in front of such a beautiful thing as yourself" ... "AWWWW, Thank you I tell him" and think in my head could a young man my freaking age tell me I am beautiful or wtf? I have to get my fix from little daddy. Anyways...I help him stand with his walker to the edge of the bed to pee in a urinal and the first thing he tells me is he has to pull out his "tiny toy" to pee. I start laughing. Most men exaggerate on the size of their dicks, but not little daddy he knows he is 80 and there is just no denying his shit is like 2inches. It's cute. He pees. I stand there pondering the last time I was told I was beautiful by a nonpatient... ? Then he starts to fart for, what I swear was 10 long seconds- loud and proud. I just stand there next to him (we have to stay near and within reach while these people are up in the room to make sure they don't fall) And I am like great I get to smell like little daddies farts all night. YESSSS! I love my job. But no shit... It was just unsented wind. Thank god. Little daddy's farts don't smell he is ADORABLE. Then out of no where the says "Oh god fucking damn it, I am so sorry for blowing that out of my ass in front of you young lady" AND I start laughing and tell him no worries. I found it amusing that he pet names his penis and cusses up a storm in front of me, but oh no he must apologize for the fart. Hahahaha. So cute. He then finishes peeing. I take the bucket and he asks for a wash cloth to clean off the "tip" of his "tiny pecker" By this point I want to take this little daddy home because he would fit in perfectly at my house and shit, I never really had a grandpa of my own. He wins. I settle him in and go to the next little daddies room who I haven't spent much time with...This guy watches TV really loud while he sleeps and talks just as loud in his sleep so all shift I was like are you awake or talking in your sleep? :/ Cutest thing ever his wife was even more cute she called me buttercup all shift. You know one of those southern belles. I could take these two home with me also. Well my second little daddy looks like he is sleeping as I walk into the room and as soon as I lean in to check him he opens his eyes (like the living dead and scarring the shit out of me) and says "fuck, I did something very stupid" ...In my mind past phrases like these have been where people shit on the floor, pulled off their dressing and started to bleed out every where or accidentally pulled their freakin IV's out! but not him- I say "what happen" he says "honey I pissed in my water bottle and just about took a drink out of my urinal, seems I got the two mixed up" He was so calm and sleepy and cute all wrapped into one. I reassured him I'd get him a new water and new urinal and place them on different sides of the bed. I did so, he said thank you and went back to bed. I wish I had a video of me and him and the way he said it like so calmly...I was so glad he didn't drink his pee...I am sure though if he did he wouldn't have told me...I wouldn't have told me. I had an hour left of my shift and kept laughing at these two little old men the time I was at work. I even sent out a text to my mom and friends to share these guys. I will never forget them :)