*One of my older blogs from when I worked in Dialysis.
I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN THE IMPORTANCE OF SAYING GOODBYE. I NEVER WANTED TO SAY IT TO SOMEONE BECAUSE TO ME GOODBYE MEANS FOREVER. I'D RATHER SAY SEE YOU LATER...ANYTHING BUT GOODBYE. WHATS WORSE IS NOT SAYING ANYTHING... NOT EVEN GOODBYE TO SOMEONE...AND NEVER SEEING THEM AGAIN. TWO MEN THAT I HAVE KNOWN HAVE PASSED AWAY WITHIN A COUPLE WEEKS OF ONE ANOTHER.
RED-MR. HOLDEN WAS MY FIRST PATIENT TO GO INTO CARDIAC ARREST AND PASS AWAY A COUPLE HOURS AFTER I LEFT WORK. SAKARA YEM WAS A CO-WORKER WHOSE DEATH REMAINS SECRET BY THE FAMILY. I WASN'T EXTREMELY CLOSE TO THESE TWO MEN AS I AM TO PERHAPS A CLOSE FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER...BUT THEY WERE A REGULAR PART OF MY LIFE.
RED WOULD MAKE MY DAY AND WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE PATIENTS TO TALK TO AND BE AROUND. DON'T EVER LET ANYONE OF A MEDICAL STAFF TELL YOU THEY DON'T HAVE FAVORITE PATIENTS OR THAT ITS UNETHICAL TO HAVE A FAVORITE AND MAY LEAD YOU TO TREAT THAT PATIENT BETTER. IF THAT IS SAID ABOUT ME...IT'S BULLSHIT. I TREAT ALL OF MY PATIENTS LIKE THEY WERE MY OWN GRANDMA OR THE GRANDPA I NEVER REALLY HAD. IT'S JUST THAT WITH RED WE HAD THINGS IN COMMON AND GOT ALONG REALLY WELL...PLUS WAS ONE OF THE FEW TO NOT TORTURE THE MAN IN PLACING HIS NEEDLES FOR TREATMENT. I ALWAYS TEND TO MIGRATE TOWARDS MY EXTREMELY OLDER MALE PATIENTS AND IN SOMETIMES FEEL IT'S BECAUSE THEY FILL THAT VOID OF NEVER HAVING A GRANDPA AROUND ME. THE DAY THAT RED PASSED AWAY WAS ONE OF THE WORSE DAYS AT WORK AND FAILURE OF THE WATER SYSTEM AND SOME ELECTRICAL AGGRAVATED ME TO THE POINT OF RUNNING OUT OF THERE RIGHT AT 1230PM WHEN MY SHIFT ENDED. RED HAD TO BE TAKE OFF OF HIS TREATMENT BECAUSE OF POWER FAILURE AND WAS SITTING THERE RESTING WHEN I LEFT UNTIL THE NURSE COULD RESUME TREATMENT. I DIDN'T SAY BYE TO HIM...NOTHING...A COUPLE HOURS LATER HE WENT INTO CARDIAC ARREST AND I NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO SAY ANOTHER WORD TO HIM. MY LAST MEMORY WAS TALKING TO RED'S WIFE AFTER THE INCIDENT AND FEELING SO INCREDIBLY HURT INSIDE FOR HER. I CAN'T IMAGINE BEING HER. I HOPE I NEVER EXPERIENCE WHAT SHE DID.
SAKARA WAS 25 YEARS OLD AND GOING TO NURSING SCHOOL HERE IN WASHINGTON. HE IS THE TECH WHO DID MY TRAINING TO GET ME BACK INTO DIALYSIS AFTER MY THREE YEARS OFF. HE WAS A VERY GOOD TECHNICIAN. HE WAS VERY QUIET AND VERY HEALTHY. HE WAS A LOT CLOSER TO THE GUYS THAT WORKED WITH US OPPOSED TO THE WOMEN BUT HE GOT ALONG WITH EVERYONE. HE WAS A PRETTY COOL GUY AND ALL OF THE PATIENTS LOVED HIM. THE FAMILY WILL NOT SHARE WHY HE PASSED AWAY BUT IT CAME TO A BIG SHOCK TO OUR CLINICS. FOR SOMEONE SO YOUNG AND SO HEALTHY IT JUST SEEMED UNBELIEVABLE. THE LAST TIME I EVER CAME IN CONTACT WITH SAKARA I WAS DISAPPOINTED WITH HIM BECAUSE HE WANTED SOME HOURS SO HE ASKED FOR ONE OF MY SHIFTS...WHEN I TOLD HIM TO GO AHEAD AND TAKE IT HE BACKED OUT AND I ENDED UP HAVING TO WORK ANYWAY. I TOLD HIM TO NEVER ASK ME AGAIN SINCE HE'D GOTTEN MY HOPES UP...PRETTY MUCH IN A JOKING/SEMI SERIOUS WAY...AND THAT WAS PRETTY MUCH THE LAST THING I SAID TO HIM. NOT SERIOUS OR TRAGIC I KNOW...BUT THE POINT I AM MAKING IS YOU JUST NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU SAY OR DO IS GOING TO BE THE LAST IMPACT/IMPRESSION ON SOMEONE BEFORE THEY PASS AWAY. YOU NEVER KNOW IF YOU WILL SEE THEM AGAIN.
I LOVE TO HEAR THE PATIENTS AND THE WAY THEY REMEMBER RED AND SAKARA. I HOPE THAT EVEN HALF AS MUCH OF THOSE GOOD THINGS ARE SAID ABOUT ME WHEN MY TIMES COMES.
I ALWAYS TELL STEVE TO SAY BYE TO ME BEFORE HE LEAVES AND MAKE SURE WE KISS OR TELL EACH OTHER "I LOVE YOU" BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN. I FEEL LIKE I COULDN'T LIVE WITH MYSELF IF IN A TIME OF AN ARGUMENT ONE OF US WALKED OUT MAD... IF WE SAID BAD, HURTFUL, OR NOTHING AT ALL TO EACH OTHER ...AND SOMETHING HAPPEN TO EITHER ONE OF US.... IT GOES FOR ALL THE PEOPLE AROUND US. I'M TRYING TO LET PEOPLE KNOW I LOVE THEM AND CARE AND NEVER LEAVE THAT DOUBT IN CASE I NEVER GET TO TELL THEM THAT AGAIN. IT'S SURREAL. IT'S UNKNOWN. IT'S OVERWHELMING. YOU JUST NEVER KNOW. SO SAY WHAT YOU MEAN TODAY. TOMORROW IS DEFIANTLY NOT PROMISED.
RED-MR. HOLDEN WAS MY FIRST PATIENT TO GO INTO CARDIAC ARREST AND PASS AWAY A COUPLE HOURS AFTER I LEFT WORK. SAKARA YEM WAS A CO-WORKER WHOSE DEATH REMAINS SECRET BY THE FAMILY. I WASN'T EXTREMELY CLOSE TO THESE TWO MEN AS I AM TO PERHAPS A CLOSE FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER...BUT THEY WERE A REGULAR PART OF MY LIFE.
RED WOULD MAKE MY DAY AND WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE PATIENTS TO TALK TO AND BE AROUND. DON'T EVER LET ANYONE OF A MEDICAL STAFF TELL YOU THEY DON'T HAVE FAVORITE PATIENTS OR THAT ITS UNETHICAL TO HAVE A FAVORITE AND MAY LEAD YOU TO TREAT THAT PATIENT BETTER. IF THAT IS SAID ABOUT ME...IT'S BULLSHIT. I TREAT ALL OF MY PATIENTS LIKE THEY WERE MY OWN GRANDMA OR THE GRANDPA I NEVER REALLY HAD. IT'S JUST THAT WITH RED WE HAD THINGS IN COMMON AND GOT ALONG REALLY WELL...PLUS WAS ONE OF THE FEW TO NOT TORTURE THE MAN IN PLACING HIS NEEDLES FOR TREATMENT. I ALWAYS TEND TO MIGRATE TOWARDS MY EXTREMELY OLDER MALE PATIENTS AND IN SOMETIMES FEEL IT'S BECAUSE THEY FILL THAT VOID OF NEVER HAVING A GRANDPA AROUND ME. THE DAY THAT RED PASSED AWAY WAS ONE OF THE WORSE DAYS AT WORK AND FAILURE OF THE WATER SYSTEM AND SOME ELECTRICAL AGGRAVATED ME TO THE POINT OF RUNNING OUT OF THERE RIGHT AT 1230PM WHEN MY SHIFT ENDED. RED HAD TO BE TAKE OFF OF HIS TREATMENT BECAUSE OF POWER FAILURE AND WAS SITTING THERE RESTING WHEN I LEFT UNTIL THE NURSE COULD RESUME TREATMENT. I DIDN'T SAY BYE TO HIM...NOTHING...A COUPLE HOURS LATER HE WENT INTO CARDIAC ARREST AND I NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO SAY ANOTHER WORD TO HIM. MY LAST MEMORY WAS TALKING TO RED'S WIFE AFTER THE INCIDENT AND FEELING SO INCREDIBLY HURT INSIDE FOR HER. I CAN'T IMAGINE BEING HER. I HOPE I NEVER EXPERIENCE WHAT SHE DID.
SAKARA WAS 25 YEARS OLD AND GOING TO NURSING SCHOOL HERE IN WASHINGTON. HE IS THE TECH WHO DID MY TRAINING TO GET ME BACK INTO DIALYSIS AFTER MY THREE YEARS OFF. HE WAS A VERY GOOD TECHNICIAN. HE WAS VERY QUIET AND VERY HEALTHY. HE WAS A LOT CLOSER TO THE GUYS THAT WORKED WITH US OPPOSED TO THE WOMEN BUT HE GOT ALONG WITH EVERYONE. HE WAS A PRETTY COOL GUY AND ALL OF THE PATIENTS LOVED HIM. THE FAMILY WILL NOT SHARE WHY HE PASSED AWAY BUT IT CAME TO A BIG SHOCK TO OUR CLINICS. FOR SOMEONE SO YOUNG AND SO HEALTHY IT JUST SEEMED UNBELIEVABLE. THE LAST TIME I EVER CAME IN CONTACT WITH SAKARA I WAS DISAPPOINTED WITH HIM BECAUSE HE WANTED SOME HOURS SO HE ASKED FOR ONE OF MY SHIFTS...WHEN I TOLD HIM TO GO AHEAD AND TAKE IT HE BACKED OUT AND I ENDED UP HAVING TO WORK ANYWAY. I TOLD HIM TO NEVER ASK ME AGAIN SINCE HE'D GOTTEN MY HOPES UP...PRETTY MUCH IN A JOKING/SEMI SERIOUS WAY...AND THAT WAS PRETTY MUCH THE LAST THING I SAID TO HIM. NOT SERIOUS OR TRAGIC I KNOW...BUT THE POINT I AM MAKING IS YOU JUST NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU SAY OR DO IS GOING TO BE THE LAST IMPACT/IMPRESSION ON SOMEONE BEFORE THEY PASS AWAY. YOU NEVER KNOW IF YOU WILL SEE THEM AGAIN.
I LOVE TO HEAR THE PATIENTS AND THE WAY THEY REMEMBER RED AND SAKARA. I HOPE THAT EVEN HALF AS MUCH OF THOSE GOOD THINGS ARE SAID ABOUT ME WHEN MY TIMES COMES.
I ALWAYS TELL STEVE TO SAY BYE TO ME BEFORE HE LEAVES AND MAKE SURE WE KISS OR TELL EACH OTHER "I LOVE YOU" BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN. I FEEL LIKE I COULDN'T LIVE WITH MYSELF IF IN A TIME OF AN ARGUMENT ONE OF US WALKED OUT MAD... IF WE SAID BAD, HURTFUL, OR NOTHING AT ALL TO EACH OTHER ...AND SOMETHING HAPPEN TO EITHER ONE OF US.... IT GOES FOR ALL THE PEOPLE AROUND US. I'M TRYING TO LET PEOPLE KNOW I LOVE THEM AND CARE AND NEVER LEAVE THAT DOUBT IN CASE I NEVER GET TO TELL THEM THAT AGAIN. IT'S SURREAL. IT'S UNKNOWN. IT'S OVERWHELMING. YOU JUST NEVER KNOW. SO SAY WHAT YOU MEAN TODAY. TOMORROW IS DEFIANTLY NOT PROMISED.
3 comments:
I do that too, always say I love you and Bye when leaving the house. Do not hold grudges...you never know what that relationship could have been. it is harder to forgive than it is to give up and exit them out of your life. I am sorry you lost another patient love....I remember the one you lost after leaving Alaska. I hope you have a good weekend and YOu know that no matter the time diffrence I am here if you ever need to talk.
It takes special people to be in your line of work .. I hate good-byes too and would have a hard time having to deal with the FINAL good-byes as often as you will. I m sorry about the loss and will put those families in my prayers.
I struggle with EVERY conversation with family and close friends cause I always fear it will be the last and I will have want to have left it differently.
Luff You Luff .. so much!
Oh those good byes or those good byes you never were afforded to give. I relate, especially when inadvertently at times we chose to make a decision that involves work matters vs family matters. For me it was nothing serious but none the less a decision that would keep me away from what would be the last time I spent with a parent before they passed away. It made me look at life differently, and made me cherish the loved ones around and now my partner even more for every second I spend with them and every decision I make! Thank you for this piece! To for ever and a day!
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