One of my FAVORITE things...

One of my most favorite things on my job is when a patient has been pleasant and cooperative all day...Gets confused or "sundowns" and becomes increasingly agitated, confused and combative... And I love it even more when family is there to witness this change and decides that NOW is that correct time to leave because you know "it's getting dark" or they "have to let the dog out" meanwhile they leave us in the hand of their loved one who essentially is going ape shit. It's kinda like a slap in the face...All hell is breaking loose and they are like "Bahahaha you can deal with my mom- I am outta here"... And it's to those people I wish for them to arrive to their car with a flat tire...or arrive home to a flooded basement. Okay, not really, but kind of. Bastards.

What was she THINKING

One evening I "floated" or was sent to work on another unit...Which I always hate. It's like being the new kid in school...You go to this new floor to help out and no one talks to you and you eat lunch alone. I threaten to quit every time I am floated- I hate it so much. Anyways- I get sent to this fancy cardiac unit two floors down from mine. I mind my own business, conduct my job as if I know what I am doing with a group of patient's that are foreign to me...I haven't seen telemetry or heart problems honestly since nursing school...but you know since I have a fancy RN behind my name- it must mean I am qualified to cover on this unit as a nurse. I am minding my own business and about 3 hours into my shift, I am approached by a nurse who has knowing or unknowingly given me dirty looks since my arrival. She has the audacity to ask if I can hold her phone so she can go on break. It's custom for us to hand off our phones while we go on break and take the other RN's calls as well as our own. "I guess" I say without making contact and kinda shitty; honestly I don't even care about my unprofessional ism. She tells me she only has two patients so it's a good time to eat... She continues... "The patient in this room (points to the room I am sitting next to on the computer charting) is currently having a heart attack, I called the doctor and they are DNR (do not resuscitate). I look at her, finally and only because I can't believe what she is saying then reply... "Are you serious?" to which she replies "As a heart attack" WTF. I am all for on the job humor, I believe that is what keeps us sane...BUT I think the bitch could have picked a better time to eat...And honestly I was like go...I'll take care of your patient because cardiac nurse or not I could do a hell of a better job than you and I prefer to go in there and nurse over you...So there. And I did.

Page Tracks

I didn't know blogger was keeping track of what countries people were reading my blog... Here are the stats... Kinda interesting...

United States 562 Russia 181 Ukraine 81 Latvia 49 Germany 47 Canada 32 Israel 16 Romania 15 Belgium 11 Singapore 9

GRUMPY OLD MEN

I have to tell this story of these two little old men I had one night that had me laughing for at least an hour after I left each one of their rooms...My first guy was a retired world traveler, did something with oil...All I knew was that he swore like a sailor, so instantly I decided we would get along and I would call him little daddy (It's what I call all my cute old men). The first time he gets up to pee I offer to get the male nursing assistant and he assures me he isn't shy, "even in front of such a beautiful thing as yourself" ... "AWWWW, Thank you I tell him" and think in my head could a young man my freaking age tell me I am beautiful or wtf? I have to get my fix from little daddy. Anyways...I help him stand with his walker to the edge of the bed to pee in a urinal and the first thing he tells me is he has to pull out his "tiny toy" to pee. I start laughing. Most men exaggerate on the size of their dicks, but not little daddy he knows he is 80 and there is just no denying his shit is like 2inches. It's cute. He pees. I stand there pondering the last time I was told I was beautiful by a nonpatient... ? Then he starts to fart for, what I swear was 10 long seconds- loud and proud. I just stand there next to him (we have to stay near and within reach while these people are up in the room to make sure they don't fall) And I am like great I get to smell like little daddies farts all night. YESSSS! I love my job. But no shit... It was just unsented wind. Thank god. Little daddy's farts don't smell he is ADORABLE. Then out of no where the says "Oh god fucking damn it, I am so sorry for blowing that out of my ass in front of you young lady" AND I start laughing and tell him no worries. I found it amusing that he pet names his penis and cusses up a storm in front of me, but oh no he must apologize for the fart. Hahahaha. So cute. He then finishes peeing. I take the bucket and he asks for a wash cloth to clean off the "tip" of his "tiny pecker" By this point I want to take this little daddy home because he would fit in perfectly at my house and shit, I never really had a grandpa of my own. He wins. I settle him in and go to the next little daddies room who I haven't spent much time with...This guy watches TV really loud while he sleeps and talks just as loud in his sleep so all shift I was like are you awake or talking in your sleep? :/ Cutest thing ever his wife was even more cute she called me buttercup all shift. You know one of those southern belles. I could take these two home with me also. Well my second little daddy looks like he is sleeping as I walk into the room and as soon as I lean in to check him he opens his eyes (like the living dead and scarring the shit out of me) and says "fuck, I did something very stupid" ...In my mind past phrases like these have been where people shit on the floor, pulled off their dressing and started to bleed out every where or accidentally pulled their freakin IV's out! but not him- I say "what happen" he says "honey I pissed in my water bottle and just about took a drink out of my urinal, seems I got the two mixed up" He was so calm and sleepy and cute all wrapped into one. I reassured him I'd get him a new water and new urinal and place them on different sides of the bed. I did so, he said thank you and went back to bed. I wish I had a video of me and him and the way he said it like so calmly...I was so glad he didn't drink his pee...I am sure though if he did he wouldn't have told me...I wouldn't have told me. I had an hour left of my shift and kept laughing at these two little old men the time I was at work. I even sent out a text to my mom and friends to share these guys. I will never forget them :)

1 Year In Time

It's officially been a year since I really sat down and wrote about this RN thing. It's been a good year. A year of growing, getting more comfortable in my role as a nurse, becoming more outspoken to MD's and old crotchety nurses than I was in the beginning...Some say "what happen to that sweet nurse that started years ago" ... I say it's the same nurse I just was trying to be seen and not heard as a scared little new RN. I've begun precepting and taking in nursing students which I adore. Most of the time they come in an are really excited to learn and excited to be starting a new job. Few have attitude problems which I encouraged them to leave that shit at the door.  There have been many touching patients I have had a long this year that I should have wrote about... and may I will or maybe I'll continue on to write about the new ones that come along and touch my life. It happens frequently. Patients always say how much we do for them as nurses, but I don't think they ever really know how they touch us. Every once and while I get a patient who is a complete pain in my ass...thinks I am their slave and they are the queen... and to those people I do what I can do in an 8 hour shift and remind myself what my mom once told me "just remember you don't have to live with them" and thank god for that. Another thing I see with nurses...It seems we are some of the worst creatures for taking care of ourselves. We run around on our shift like our bodies and minds don't matter. We won't have slept, will have problems at home, will be starving, back hurting, so much on our minds...but the minute we step into a room the focus is on the patient. I've seen this in myself and I've seen it in coworkers. Now this is not the case for every nurse....There is still the nurse ratchet who goes in there bitching about one missed meal inevitably making the patient feeling like shit for being there... But me I turn it off at the door. Which sometimes is good when I have hurt feelings or drama in my mind or life to work through. The work is a distraction and keeps me busy and focused on something easy...And sometimes at the end of the day gives me just enough time to decide how I really feel about something. Sometimes going to work is good. Then there are the times my back hurts so badly and I am suppose to help other people who just had back surgery walk? That's when I imagine a career change to baby nursing. But honestly I could have a million things on my mind and hurting on my body and I am convincing enough to go in the room and play nurse that the patient thinks I am just sweet and attentive to them. It's how it should be. They have enough problems being in a hospital bed and they are not there to be my psychiatrist. I wish I had this capacity in real life to stay so composed and attentive to my thoughts and words... I am know I am capable of it...but seem to lose that skill and home or sometimes in social settings... Especially if someone says the wrong thing...It's game over. To where if a patient talked some shit I play professional and try to work through their feelings... Guess we'll see what the next year brings...